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zeroenthusiasm

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Bouquet of clumsy words; a simple melody.

I'm a sick puppy, I don't know why you love me.

Created on 2004-03-04 23:33:33 (#2413929), last updated 2009-11-19

6,549 comments received, 4,979 comments posted

Basic Account [Gift]

1,339 Journal Entries, 976 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 4 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	davegunn
Location:	Schenectady, New York, United States
Website:	MySpace.

Contact:

zerochrist@msn.com

Bio

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: Any claims of illegal activity in this online journal are of a fictitious nature.
Nothing herein is admittedly non-fiction and may or may not be the work of the author's imagination and is therefore in no way an admittance to guilt.
TO PEOPLE WHO MEET ME: You are going to be written about here.
If you don't like being written about, then don't become part of my ongoing story.
If you can't handle honesty, or are ashamed of the things you do and say, then don't do or say them around me.
Anyone who walks into my life in one way or another becomes a character. I have lost a lot of friends by adding them to my entries. You have been warned.

My name is davegunn.

The purpose of this online blog is to record my life, vent my problems, and express myself. I do not specifically want attention of any kind, but any kind of attention is welcomed nonetheless. I started writing in the online blog format back in 2002 when I was still in the 8th grade and automatically became addicted to the idea of being able to write about my stupid life in an arena where anyone in the world can stumble upon it and love me, hate me, relate to me, or be confused by me. Since then, I have gradually taken it more and more seriously and it's become a project where writing is my life, both literally and figuratively. I want to be a writer. And technically, I already am. But I hope to one day be recognized on a larger scale. The goal of this thing is to write about my life, my feelings, my hopes, my dreams, my accomplishments, my failures, my issues, my losses, my heartbreak, my adventures, my boredom, all with equal brutal honesty. I want to cut the bullshit and embrace every embarrassing, hilarious, weird, scary, disappointing, gross, complicated detail there is. Honesty is an endangered species and I want to bring it back. I want people to be able to read this and find empathy, be inspired to open their minds to new ideas and lifestyles, be sparked into debate, be moved by emotional conflicts, offer advice to me and receive some in return, be sucked into a story that won't end until I do, where they can one day meet the author and actually know him pretty well. In this blog, there are no secrets; there is no censorship or shame; there is no fear of criticism or blame or ridicule. I want to incite feelings and thoughts. Please let me know if I successfully do either.

Now...
I was born on February 9th, 1988 in Schenectady, NY; a culturally devoid pile of concrete, crooked cops, and crackheads. My parents were just turning twenty and were both high school dropout alcoholics who had no idea what they were doing when they had me. I grew up in an unstable environment moving from poor neighborhood to poor neighborhood, watching alcoholism, drug abuse, and domestic fist-fights in full-swing as far back as I can remember. I was molested by my babysitter when I was four, but don't have any recollection of it whatsoever. I spent until the 6th grade in a Catholic school with an all-female staff where the kids picked on me because I was chubby and poor. My Roman Catholic grandmother insisted on this being my upbringing and financed it. I spent my youngest years mostly alone, reading and drawing, and saw my first therapist when I was nine. I was taking medicine for stress-induced stomachaches by then and was the victim of violence several times in the playground. My mother was terrifying. My father was hardly present, even though he was actually always around. My parents' problems got worse as I got older. All very cliche, and I know others had it worse than me, but these childhood years had an permanent effect on me.

I lost weight in Middle School and found my place in the crowd of kids that listened to Marilyn Manson and were infamously outcast by the rest of the school. I discovered straightedge and decided I never wanted to drink, smoke, or try drugs. When kids would ask me to, I'd use my severe asthma as an excuse as to why I couldn't. I did a lot of weird things that got me a lot of attention, and after becoming interested in anarchist politics, was a regular in the principal's office, just trying to fight for my rights as a student to say and wear whatever I want. By the 8th grade, for whatever reason, everyone seemed to know my name. They always said my first and last name together as one name for some reason. Friends came and went. I was more interested in riding my bike and going outside. Home problems persisted and I stopped drawing. I started fucking with the cops a lot. I was banned from the park and also wasn't allowed to attend my graduation. I got my first girlfriend in the 8th grade. My mother always grounded me and would laugh at how upset I was over it. I hated them both so much.

I lost my virginity in the beginning of the 9th grade to my second girlfriend. Most of my teen years would be spent in consecutive long-term relationships. Everyone knew who I was. Rumors and gossip ensued. I got heavier into politics, writing, sex, straightedge, and animal rights. In doing so, I began to push people away. In my eyes, they were either with me or against me and I lost a lot of friends to drugs, since I was straightedge and didn't want to associate with people who would do those things. I was a mallrat. I was always on my bike. I had my heart broken a lot. I stopped going home when I was sixteen and began staying with my grandmother whenever I wasn't staying with a girlfriend or couch surfing. On the last day of school in the 9th grade, there was a riot, and I was randomly chosen to be beaten by two cops and arrested for 'Obstruction of Justice' and 'Inciting to Riot', when I wasn't doing a single thing. I wound up suspended for the first six months of 10th grade. In the 11th grade, I was losing my mind and took it upon myself to be tutored outside of school until the 12th grade, where I decided to drop out after the first semester. I was finally free, at least to that institution. I was still a prisoner to my emotional dependencies and weaknesses.

Since then, I have found myself. I've gone through a lot and have been abandoned by almost everyone I've ever cared about. I decided I'd never work a day in my life. This was long before my mother signed me up for Social Security, where they told me I qualified for benefits due to being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, one of the many hereditary deficiencies passed down to me from my father. My mother did this so she could reap the benefits, and she wound up stealing over $4,000 from money that was supposed to be mine. Getting free money from the government that I hate? It sounded pretty nice to me. I used it just to get by. A little over $700 a month isn't exactly enough to enjoy yourself, but it was better than nothing. I thought I found the girl I'd spend forever with. Her name was Burgundy. We dated for three years until she left me for college and the banal, superficial life that would help her compensate for her upbringing. I am a self-taught synth/piano player and was in a band for three years, too, called Chaos Con Queso. We released one EP, one full-length, opened for HORSE the band, and opened for Mindless Self Indulgence to a sold-out crowd in Troy right before our break-up. Besides writing, being in a full-time band is what I want to do with my life. I hit rock bottom in the summer of 2008 and found a new me. If it wasn't freedom, then I didn't want it. CrimethInc's Days of Way, Nights of Love, the film Into the Wild, The Wonder Years, veganism, and Ghost Mice's Europe album all at once changed my life.

Who I am...
I'm drug-free (or straightedge, or whatever), but don't listen to hardcore, am all for the practice of any and all sex as long as it's consensual and safe, and support the legalization of marijuana (as well as pretty much anything else). I'm a strict vegan in the name of animal rights and the environment and quit meat about seven years ago. I live an environmentally-friendly life and utilize every means possible to reduce my carbon footprint in everything I do. I'm a militant atheist because there is no more room for religion and you must be stupid if you follow one. I'm a bike youth and will never own a car. I pick out of the garbage a lot. I'm a hitchhiker and I enjoy the feeling of being homeless in unfamiliar areas with only concrete or dirt to sleep on and dumpsters to eat out of. I have abandoned all materialism and no longer buy things that aren't necessary. I'm a word-of-mouther who wants everyone to know about the ideas, music, movies, and lifestyle changes I have discovered and 50% of the reason I still have this MySpace is in hopes that a couple of the 500 or so bi-daily views I get teaches someone something new. I'm a realist and remain objective in every situation. I will probably never shave again.

Stuff I think is important: animal rights, human rights, boycotting out-of-control corporations, environmentalism, ethical work standards, ending sexism and racism, preventing sexual abuse and exploitation, dismantling gender roles, gay rights, abolishing all religion, the pro-choice movement, housing and feeding the homeless, disregarding the mainstream media as a legitimate news source, erasing national borders and flags, and smashing capitalism. Ya know, the typically crazy liberal agenda.

I am currently single and unappealing to the opposite sex. I am in love, but it is unrequited, so it doesn't matter. I'm living all by myself in subsidized housing. I live in the 'hood in the city I hate most, on a block where people get shot in the face, women get set on fire, and cops shoot homeless people. I'm surviving off of disability checks, Food Stamps, and bottle/can returns. I have three rescued cats with me: Willow, Hulett, and Kitten. I do way too many things all by myself.

I would rather die than participate in the school-work-marriage-reproduction-death process everyone thinks is the only way to live their life. Love, nature, art, and not being part of the problem are the four most important things in my life. College is big business and a factory for conformity. I learn everything on my own using the endless free resources the world has to offer us. Careers are hobbies stripped of the passion and perverted into mundane obligations. I do what I love because I love it, for free, and that's good enough for me. I have no interest in popularity or material possessions and I pity those who waste their one chance at life trying to be 'normal'.

Stuff I do...
- I mess around with photography using a cheap, 4.0-megapixel Olympus C4000 that I guess isn't even made anymore. My pictures can be found @ my Flickr.
- I book and promote shows for some of my favorite bands throughout the 518, non-profit and DIY. You can check out my upcoming shows @ TKYH Shows.
- I maintain a MySpace exposing the crookedness and corruption of the Schenectady Police Department. You can add it @ the MySpace.
- I put together little videos and was once told I was trying to be Harmony Korine. I took it as a compliment. You can watch the videos @ my YouTube.
- I'm trying to complete a list of 100 things I wanna do in 1,001 days that you can check out @ this blog.
- I'm also on Facebook. Feel free to add me! I'm always interested in meeting new people of any kind.
- Entries online began originally on DeadJournal back in 2002; they can be found here and continue onto the present.

What people are saying...
"I love reading your blog. You're like one of those rare book characters
that I fall in love with and just keep wanting to know more about. Except
you're real and I've met you once."
-Anonymous

"Your LiveJournal is really entertaining, like a
good book that doesn't end."
-Anonymous

"Why aren't you famous yet? if people like Stephanie Meyer can
make people fall in love with their crap, why shouldn't people with, I
dunno... ORIGINAL thoughts be noticed for theirs? No fair."
-Anonymous

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