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zeroenthusiasm

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Bouquet of clumsy words; a simple melody.

I'm a sick puppy, I don't know why you love me.

Created on 2004-03-04 23:33:33 (#2413929), last updated 2009-07-13

5,676 comments received, 4,498 comments posted

Basic Account [Gift]

1,260 Journal Entries, 780 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 4 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	davegunn
Location:	Schenectady, New York, United States
Website:	MySpace.

Contact:

zerochrist@msn.com

Bio

My name is davegunn.
ATTENTION, POLICE: Any claims of illegal activity in this online journal are of a fictitious nature. Therefore, nothing herein shall be used as proof or as any form of a confession of wrongdoing.

A lot of people hate me around here, particularly old friends, fashioncore kids, and Juggalo rednecks. Most of them don't know me. I spent a long time being an opinionated elitist asshole, alienating others, and burning bridges, and that aided in this. I don't think I'm better than anyone else, though I think I've made a lot of better decisions than others. I'm just as fallible as everyone else and am as harshly critical of myself as I am towards others. I want to have a lot of friends, because life is too short for grudges and high school bullshit. I'd like to focus on the good in people over the bad, but some people I've realized have absolutely no good in them. If you're nice and think for yourself, chances are I will have respect for you (yes, even if you're not straightedge or vegan).

I think that love is really powerful and should only be taken and given in moderation, because like any drug or religion, it can ruin lives. I'm not an optimist or a pessimist; I'm a realist and live a, "Life is kinda sorta okay sometimes," lifestyle. "Eh, fuck it," is my resolution to just about everything.

I adhere to a strict moral and ethical code of living, though I unfortunately have yet to really get as politically active as I want to be. I'm still straightedge (no alcohol, drugs of any kind, or unhealthy dietary habits). I'm vegan and have been meat-free for over seven years; for animal rights, the environment, human rights, and for my own personal health. Living sustainably and green is very important to me and I make sure to recycle often (everything, not just cans that can be exchanged for five cents), minimize my trash, buy only enviro-friendly foods and household products, and never litter or use plastic bags. I'm a caring and conscious consumer and know exactly what I'm buying, what's in it, who owns it, and where it comes from; I try to buy local and organic as often as I can. I'm a militant and angry atheist and believe all religion should be abolished. I don't believe in any gods, ghosts, an afterlife, spirits, psychics, out-of-body experiences, luck, karma, or reincarnation.

My politics, summarized: 100% DIY vegan-enviro-straightedge, anti-sexist, anti-racist, pro-gay, pro-abortion, anti-war, against reproduction, supportive of the legalization of marijuana, supportive of the castration of sex offenders, against the death penalty and the prison-industrial complex, against the illegal taxing of people's incomes, think weaponry and military are obsolete, against borders of any kind, supportive of free health care for all, and believe 9/11 was an inside job. I believe a resource-based economy and most of the plans laid about by The Venus Project are the most effective and practical solutions to modern day's problems. I'm also very strongly against the word, "slut," and the ignorantly negative stigma that surrounds sex and promiscuity. I'm very politically conscious, am a registered Independent, do my own independent research instead of trusting my television, and don't think ANY president is capable or willing to do what needs to be done to protect, save, or preserve the best interests of society as a whole. Word-of-mouth is my activist tool of choice.

I ride my bike every day and am big into the DIY, crust, bike subculture. I love not having to pay insurance or buy gas. It makes me happy and I do it often, for long distances and for long periods of time. I think you should, too! I frequent mass transit, walk a lot, and bike ride just about anywhere as long as I can. I think cars for the most part are pointless inventions that do nothing but harm our environment, feed corporate oil monsters, and nurse the natural human state of laziness. I don't plan on ever owning a car, for financial, environmental, and personal reasons. I'm a big fan of hitchhiking and walking far distances and plan on doing it as much as possible. I'm amazed at how many nice people you can meet doing it. I'm also more than comfortable with sleeping on the streets and eating out of the garbage. Most people don't realize this, but we waste a lot and are too stuck-up in our standards. Living and traveling can be done cheaply and sometimes even for free. I am constantly picking through trash cans for bottles and cans.

I was in love with a girl named Burgundy who I dated for three years before she broke up with me. Unfortunately for me, girls do not find me attractive or interesting. Love seems to be just as an irrelevant hoax as god is and the quest for it, along with voluntary compromises like marriage and monogamy, seem so pointless now. Life's too short to tie yourself down, especially when there's so much love to give and receive in this world; there are so many beautiful people that you could easily fall in love with for a week. Sex and affection are things that should be shared amongst people as much as possible before they die. I do not know what I want, but I know that wasting any more of my youth on long-term relationships doomed for failure and heartache is something I never want to be part of again for as long as I live. I just want girls who will talk with me, cuddle with me, watch indie movies with me, and surround me with sincere feelings, no matter how fleeting.

I'm fat and ugly, but I've got a big brain and a big heart. Hopefully one day, the latter outweighs the former. I'm brutally honest and think too much. I'm dysphoric, sarcastic, misanthropic, and opinionated. I'm a sexual deviant and think about either sex or violence throughout most of my days. I can hold a conversation with just about anyone. I am clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depressive mood disorder, and severe social anxieties and have been since I was twelve. I have been in psychiatric wards several times, am covered in self-inflicted scars, have been on several pills in my childhood, and am currently taking Lexapro, which is actually making me feel pretty calm and mentally stable. I'm consumed by regret. I have a non-existent sleep pattern.

I live off of disability checks and food stamps, since I've been so, "lucky," as to genetically inherit all my father's psychological problems. The checks just get me through the month, not leaving me much for recreational activities or clothes. I am living below the poverty line. I live by myself in a cozy apartment in a tough part of the neighborhood. I have three girl cats named Willow, Olive, and Kitten, and one guy cat named Mayor Hulett. They're my true loves and all of them were rescued from the streets. I don't take care of my house as well as I should, but it's a lot cleaner than most bachelor pads, I'd like to think. I do, however, brush my teeth and shower daily. So shut up.

I have plenty of friends and am gradually making more and more, broadening my horizons and taking down my walls without bringing down my standards. If you're in my top friends, I love you and want to keep knowing you.

I'm a lover of the arts (all of them). I dabble in poetry, photography, and biographical journal entries that sometimes are too detailed and personal for their own good. I'm a lover of independent film, underground music, and obscure subcultures. I like anything that's experimental and different. I listen to literally any and all music, but prefer something involving synths, sad and/or political lyrics, and yelling from a female vocalist. I love documentaries, art films, and cute indie films filled with awkward moments, smart dialogue, pretty cinematography, realistically dramatic situations, and interesting characters I can relate to. I'm oddly interested in the weird lifestyles of people like graffiti writers, hobos, DIY crust punks, people who experiment with cock and ball mutilation, trainhoppers, and urban revolutionaries.

I'm a musician; a self-taught synth player. I played in an 'Experimental Emotive Nintendocore' band called Chaos Con Queso for over three years before we broke up over creative differences. I want to perform and write music for a living, even though it's hard and risky. I want to be in a highly experimental but melodic band that pushes the limits of itself and disregards all formulas to conventional song writing. I also want to be touring and on the road all year 'round. I will accomplish this, sooner or later. I compose my own music and once I get the proper programs, I will be posting on another music MySpace of my own. I'm also currently looking for people interested in starting a new band with me (inquire within, please?).

Sometimes, I book and promote local shows and have worked with tons of awesome touring, signed, and national acts, as well as some of my favorite bands. I bowl at least twice a week at Boulevard Bowl and have an average currently in the 150 area. I am constantly leaving pro-vegan and 9/11 truth literature everywhere I go, on public counters and bulletin boards. A poem of mine is published and I continue to submit my work to places here and there. I do raw amateur photography (as in, I don't use Photoshop for anything) with a cheap, 4.0-megapixel Olympus C4000. I make sure to leave my house for one reason or another at least once a day and am always making plans for myself.

As far as I'm concerned, I don't have a blood family. I left home pretty young and lived with my grandmother for a long time. My mother and father are absolutely insane and consumption of alcohol, mixed with the mentalities of two irresponsible, manic-depressive high school dropouts who had their first child at the beginning of their twenties, did not give us the best childhood we could have asked for. My mother is showing no progress and it's always hard to maintain my relationship with her, while my father's showing some strides and sometimes we can even talk to each other and enjoy it. I love my little sister Amber. My younger brother Yoda is one of my best friends. I can't really relate to my other younger brother Bryce outside of video games, but we get along for the most part. I feel stronger being detached from a dependency on parents, though it sometimes makes me feel lost.

I know there's nothing more 'scene' than claiming you're not scene, but... I am not scene. At all. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I can sincerely boast that I do not care what anyone thinks about me. I am not impressed by you and am not impressionable in any way. All of my beliefs, words, mannerisms, and loves are owned by me and me only. No one can pressure me into doing anything. I listen to music that makes my ears happy, wear clothes that are comfortable, and will say whatever I want to whoever I want whenever I want. I pity those who have a dress code and feel it necessary to change who they are based on who they're around. I really do. I do not wear tight clothes. I do not take care of my hair. I do not wear makeup, have piercings, or have tattoos. I don't wear belts if they're not holding my pants up. I do not buy clothes more than twice out of the year. I am not limited to the slogans and lyrics that are in songs by bands I like. And I will NOT stop listening to a band just because they've gotten signed, popular, or are sold in Hot Topic. Sorry. I like what I like and I am who I am.

My goals in life: Be happy, be free. Never compromise myself or my beliefs. Those are the first two rules. While I know by refusing to go to college and get a, "real," job I'm missing out on opportunities and making things harder on myself, I know that when I finally accomplish all that I want to accomplish, it'll taste so much sweeter and I will finally be able to boast to everyone who told me I was out of my mind that there is another way and that I'm living proof. I want to be a writer with published poetry and memoirs and a popular online blog. I want to be in an experimental, progressive, multi-genre DIY band that tours and records forever. I want to intern at PETA for at least a year. I want to travel as much as possible, mostly on foot or bike. I want to die before the age of forty, having tasted love, life, nature, and art in ways that barely any human beings choose to in their brief time on this planet.

I cannot fucking stand people who believe in god(s), homophobes, girls who date douchebags, Juggalos, hardcore kids, cops, and people who say they, "love animals," and still eat them.

Other random facts: I believe in love, but I do not believe in forever. I can't grow a suitable mustache. I don't look both ways before crossing the street. I get giddy whenever I see an openly gay couple or a bitchy, independent female, because they're overcoming the world's prejudice. I tear and cross the GOD off of every dollar bill I get. I'm terrified of heights, parasitic insects, black people, and cops. I want to live on the streets more than anything lately, because I want to taste what true freedom is. If you say something to my face, I will probably punch you without any hesitation. I'm a high school drop-out, but I got my GED. I have never been on a rollercoaster, drank alcohol, or been on a pair of rollerblades. I plan on dying middle-aged, probably by being hit by a car on the streets of Europe. I ride my bike with no hands most of the time because I one day want to be a skilled unicyclist. I have a pretty decently sized dick. If I could, I'd eat vegan pizza every day for the rest of my life. I have a soft spot for worms, slugs, moths, beetles, and ants, and I do my best to avoid hurting them and even go out of my way to save them sometimes. I believe aliens are out there somewhere. I am pretty good at fingerboarding. I prefer to sleep on a couch over a bed. My favorite animal is the dolphin; my favorite dogs are pugs. I don't like any video game console past N64. I am horribly asthmatic. I've had sex with a total of eleven girls in my life; five of them were virgins. My favorite part of the female body is either the face or the legs. Freckles drive me crazy and I am very strongly attracted to petite, pale, emaciated girls. I hate Juggalos and cops more than any other people on this planet. I am always rummaging through trash cans. I try to rescue every cat I see on the streets. I am ALWAYS thirsty. I become emotionally attached very easily.

The four most important things in my life are nature, love, art, and not being part of the problem.